Russian Theater School is believed to be one of the best on the world. However, where there’s excellence, there’s always a system.
As I have mentioned before I was always a very sensitive kid. And probably my most outstanding feature was inexplicable love for freedom. That’s why later on I have found myself drawn to Demidov principles, but I’ll tell you all about that in the next chapter.
I was not happy studying at my Russian school: to be honest these were 4 years of pure emotional torture?
Most of the things that we did were aimed on the result, and nobody cared much about inner processes of each student.
Moreover, I had a feeling that everything we did was just for a show, as if it was a shiny shell with the emptiness inside. My ideas were called “too odd” and my attempts were always met by criticism and even personal offence. Hard to believe it’s still happening these days… However, it is true.
It pressured me a lot and I even had problems with my throat and voice (which made the situation worse because we had to sing a lot) - like I was constantly “swallowing” all of those insults.
I was to young to stand up for myself and defend my boundaries back then. But I had the sense of inner truth - it was like a compass that was guiding me through those hard times and I knew that “one day” there will be the right time and place for me. When I was getting my diploma on stage the head teacher told me “You were trying so hard… But you know you’ll never be an actress”. I looked at him and smiled, because by then I already knew that I got accepted to the American Academy Dramatic Arts in New York and ready to leave all the nonsense behind.
And the moment came! 2 years of studying at AADA were the happiest of my life: I have found my tribe, my voice and my calling. I was not a muppet anymore. I was surrounded by people similar to me: creative, eccentric, brave and hardworking. And the teachers were very supportive- they sincerely cared about each of us and realised the responsibility. That was also where I have found what I was looking for artistically: we were studying craft by exploring our inner world and being true to senses and instincts. The training itself was much more effective for me, cause it worked in harmony with my nature, and not against it. I didn’t have to justify things for myself while being on stage with the help of mind anymore- it was more about being in the moment, being present in body and listening to the inner gut.
While in Russian school it was all about the result, appearance and “how the director wants you to be” American school has offered me self-exploration and being able to collaborate with the director, expressing my true self through any type of character.
And that’s interesting, because both of these schools are Stanislavsky- based.
I think it’s because western training is more about the connection of body, spirit and mind, using yoga principles and going beyond limitations. They are not afraid to experiment and try different techniques, even though most of them have roots in Stanislavsky.
While Russian is still far away from fully engaging the spiritual and therapeutic part of the process, being focused mostly on the mind and conscious part of it, where actor is most of the times being used as a director’s tool and is trained to be a “good soldier”.
I think it has a lot to do with culture and mentality and the way it had been formed historically. As we know, Stanislavsky was definitely trying to include spirituality and yoga in actors training (with the help of Demidov, of course?), but history has made some significant changes which are still affecting us. Anyway… That’s a whole other story.
What’s important is that American training and re-connecting with myself as an artist and human being have really brought me closer to understanding Demidov school and when I started exploring it I was ready -physically, mentally and emotionally.
Studying Demidov Technique has become the icing on a cake of my personal journey. I felt like Russian school has made me physically strong and resilient, American training gave me a soul and Demidov has connected me with the freedom of self-expression and higher purpose of it.
